Friday saw, for me, the end of an era. First, however, let me apologize for not posting in over a week - it's been really, really busy...I'll get back to what I was up to later.
For just shy of four years, I've been working for the Northwest Immigrant Rights Project. In many regards, I'm quite relieved to be done. In others, I'm sad to see it over.
Many of you know it hasn't been the easiest four years for me, with a tremendous number of ups and downs. Now, having had a chance to read through MSF's handy 'Stress In The Field' handbook, I recognice the following: I was officially burnt out.
It's a long a sordid story as to how I got that way, most of the details of which I won't share here, but anyone who wants the long version is free to write me and request it.
To summarize: About 6 months in to my work there, I was somehow caught in the crossfire in a showdown between the Staff and the Management. For the first six months at NWIRP, I was out there, in the middle of things, joined lunch club, hanging out with folks, going out after work, etc. Generally, doing those things that one does when you are enjoying your job and the people you work with. Then 'the crossfire' started, and I ended up feeling quite betrayed and hurt by a number of people who were on staff at the time, and I was unwilling, from that point on, to let myself be exposed to that risk again. Of course, the easiest way to not be betrayed by your 'friends' is not to have them in the first place...but that doesn't make for a great time.
I was again placed at odds with the staff when the interim Executive Director started, as I was suddenly being held to a standard that others in the agency were not (I was reporting directly to her, and few others were). As a result, I spent the last three years with my head down, doing my job and getting it done, but rarely fraternizing or enjoying my work from that point on. If it hadn't been for the belief I had in the work that the agency was doing, I would have left in a heart-beat. As it was, I identified with the tremendous impact that the work had on the community, and felt that I could continue to function in my role whether or not I was personally 'involved' with the staff day-to-day.
So, for the last 3 years, I've been plugging along, keeping the agency running in the best way I could (without any funding, of course. A note to any future budget controllers out there: if you want an infrastructure that works and systems that function, you have to FUND THEM! Otherwise, you end up with duct tape and superglue, and no one's happy). Over the course of my time, I actually got a lot done, and quite a few of the big projects I first identified at NWIRP were accomplished: moving, a new phone system, a server-side overhaul, new desktops and generally improving the overall quality of IT and systems. But, those goals aside, I was pretty isolated from the staff.
So it was a pleasant surprise for me positive going-away that I got from the staff. Especially considering how insular I and my activities tended to be, I was...well, not overwhelmed, but...surprised...that quite a few people on staff showed up for a bit of a going-away cake celebration, that folks had kicked down for a gift (much appreciated, BTW!), and particularly happy with the number of people who showed up for after work drinks on Friday evening. That was really nice, really. The whole thing honestly made me feel a bit bad about my interactions over the last three years, but I don't know, truly, whether I would have changed my behavior if I had known this or not...who can say? I'll mull that one over for a few years and get back to you.
I can certainly say that I still feel the impact of the results of the first six months, but I'm hoping that the closure of this chapter will help me get back to where and how I used to be at work.
For just shy of four years, I've been working for the Northwest Immigrant Rights Project. In many regards, I'm quite relieved to be done. In others, I'm sad to see it over.
Many of you know it hasn't been the easiest four years for me, with a tremendous number of ups and downs. Now, having had a chance to read through MSF's handy 'Stress In The Field' handbook, I recognice the following: I was officially burnt out.
It's a long a sordid story as to how I got that way, most of the details of which I won't share here, but anyone who wants the long version is free to write me and request it.
To summarize: About 6 months in to my work there, I was somehow caught in the crossfire in a showdown between the Staff and the Management. For the first six months at NWIRP, I was out there, in the middle of things, joined lunch club, hanging out with folks, going out after work, etc. Generally, doing those things that one does when you are enjoying your job and the people you work with. Then 'the crossfire' started, and I ended up feeling quite betrayed and hurt by a number of people who were on staff at the time, and I was unwilling, from that point on, to let myself be exposed to that risk again. Of course, the easiest way to not be betrayed by your 'friends' is not to have them in the first place...but that doesn't make for a great time.
I was again placed at odds with the staff when the interim Executive Director started, as I was suddenly being held to a standard that others in the agency were not (I was reporting directly to her, and few others were). As a result, I spent the last three years with my head down, doing my job and getting it done, but rarely fraternizing or enjoying my work from that point on. If it hadn't been for the belief I had in the work that the agency was doing, I would have left in a heart-beat. As it was, I identified with the tremendous impact that the work had on the community, and felt that I could continue to function in my role whether or not I was personally 'involved' with the staff day-to-day.
So, for the last 3 years, I've been plugging along, keeping the agency running in the best way I could (without any funding, of course. A note to any future budget controllers out there: if you want an infrastructure that works and systems that function, you have to FUND THEM! Otherwise, you end up with duct tape and superglue, and no one's happy). Over the course of my time, I actually got a lot done, and quite a few of the big projects I first identified at NWIRP were accomplished: moving, a new phone system, a server-side overhaul, new desktops and generally improving the overall quality of IT and systems. But, those goals aside, I was pretty isolated from the staff.
So it was a pleasant surprise for me positive going-away that I got from the staff. Especially considering how insular I and my activities tended to be, I was...well, not overwhelmed, but...surprised...that quite a few people on staff showed up for a bit of a going-away cake celebration, that folks had kicked down for a gift (much appreciated, BTW!), and particularly happy with the number of people who showed up for after work drinks on Friday evening. That was really nice, really. The whole thing honestly made me feel a bit bad about my interactions over the last three years, but I don't know, truly, whether I would have changed my behavior if I had known this or not...who can say? I'll mull that one over for a few years and get back to you.
I can certainly say that I still feel the impact of the results of the first six months, but I'm hoping that the closure of this chapter will help me get back to where and how I used to be at work.
1 comment:
Hi Taj, I'm enjoying reading your posts but this one caught my eye today and well, I had to comment. Someday, I'd like to hear the long sordid story. It might do me good. I'm glad you enjoyed your send-off. I can tell you it was heartfelt. But I can also sympathize with your feelings of being stung (too mild a word?) by the in-fighting, cross-fire, etc. It's painful, especially when no one backs you up. And for what it's worth, I tried to reach out to you precisely because, well, you know. Take care and keep up the great work! Diana
Post a Comment