Here I am...There I go! (part 2)

So. Many of you are probably wondering "what the hell is Taj doing?" (OK, I'll confess, that's what I'd like to _hope_ you're wondering...)

Well, the short answer is this: In 3 weeks, I'm off to Liberia.

Yep, Liberia. Specifically, Nimba County. But I'll come back to that in a later post.

For those of you who haven't been kept in the loop (sorry!), I applied with Medecines Sans Frontieres/Doctors Without Borders back in, oh, September 2005. MSF is an international Non-Governmental Organization (NGO, or I-NGO) focusing on critical health care for populations in distress: refugees, war zones, IDPs (internally displaced persons), famines, etc. I've actually been interested in working with MSF for many years now. How they first appeared to me I don't remember, but I do know that I decided that MSF was an organization I wanted to work with for a number of reasons.
First, and most important to me, they provide help to anyone who needs it. They don't restrict access to their services based on who you are, what you've done, where you are. This goes directly in line with their two core tenets, neutrality & impartiality. This is important to me as I undertake this endeavor - again, maybe when I'm in the field and have some time on my hands, I'll discuss this a bit more, but for now, I'm going to try to keep it short.
Second, what they call "temiognage". For MSF, it's important not just to deliver the critical care to populations in need but also to be a witness to things that aren't being heard regionally or internationally. With witnessing comes advocacy - speaking for a population that can't speak for itself. This comes through at many heights - from regional rebel groups to the local governments in the countries they work all the way to the UN. Neutrality and Temionage are the two missions every MSF ex-pat takes to the field, under the auspices of health care for all.
Third, they don't do 'development'. Some people might want to work with development NGOs, but not me. At some point maybe I'll discuss the why's of that statement, but I don't have the time or the energy right now.
Fourth, they're not faith-based. While there are a number of absolutely excellent NGOs operating out in the world that are faith-based, at this point in my life I don't want to be part of them. Their goals are almost universally good, but I experience an amount of personal discomfort when I think about faith based NGOs and working with them. Maybe this will change, maybe it won't. Who knows? Regardless, MSF is _not_ faith based, and this is one of the reasons I wanted to work with them instead of a different NGO.

So, I'll leave those at that. Certainly, there are more factors at play than just those four, but those are really the root, for me, of "why MSF."

Of course, the second question I think a lot of you want see answered is "why now?" (well, honestly, most of you probably had that as your first question)
This one, for me, is harder to explain. For one, this is the time I _can_ do it. I finally have the skills and tools I need to help. That, however important in the prospect of actually getting the work, is fairly secondary.

More, this is something I feel I _need_ to do. Whenever I think about this, I have a very hard time trying to verbalize what the 'need' is, or where the need comes from. All I can say is that I do feel it, as something I have to do. I am uncomfortable thinking about _not_ doing it. I'm uncomfortable thinking that I might never do it, knowing the need I feel when I do think about it. I don't think I could rationalize satisfactorily to myself five years down the road having felt this so strongly and turned away.

In many regards, I thank (and give tremendous credit to) my mom and dad for instilling me a strong sense of wanting to do what's right, of wanting to help, of not living in a 'small world' based on strictly my needs and wants. My mom, my dad, my grandparents, my siblings, and Sky, all have contributed to this over the years, but I have to give the most thanks to my mom and dad. Both for the ethical and moral upbringing that I feel they established at my core, but also in allowing me the freedom to find my way, even when it wasn't easy for them.

So, the need. Yes, whether or not I can verbalize what it is, it's there, and it's strong. Unfortunately, for now, that's really what I can come up with. I'll do a lot more thinking on this in the coming weeks and months, hopefully I'll come up with some more ability to communicate what I feel right now, but for now this will have to stand on its own.

The timing, well, the timing is complicated, but I really feel like it will always be complicated. I know I want to have kids, I know I want to own a house, have a 'real' job, etc. If I think about those, they are all very good reasons to do this _now_. Simply put, I may not have the option of doing it later. Once I buy a house, there's a mortgage. Once I have a kid, well, there's a kid. Once I have a real job...etc.
For the time being, Sky's in school, it's going very well, and she has a great support structure here in Seattle with her Mom recently moved out here, her sister & brother-in-law (and nephew!) across the lake, and her dad and step-mom just an hour away (and, perhaps, her younger brother moving out to Seattle as well). She's got an excellent group of friends that she's developed through school and socialising, and she's going to be _very_ busy in the next year with school, internships, clinicals, etc. Once she's done with school, we're going to want to really try to settle down. As such, if I want to do this thing, now is the time.

Unfortunately, this timing coincides unhappily with the planned marriage of my younger brother. I'm working on it, but there's a good likelihood that I'll miss the wedding. You never know, I may make it back in time, or get some R&R that week to be able to return for the wedding. Niall and I have talked about it a bit, and I'm unbelievably thankful to him that he & Liesa understand (or at least profess to) and want me to do this. Walking to the dentist's office this morning, thinking about possibly not being there for him, it made me teary, but at the same time, I was amazed at him, his depth and compassion, amazed that he could encourage me in undertaking this knowing I may be gone for his wedding. While the timing is not great, it's the best it can be, as far as I can tell.

I hope that, for most of you, this post answers more questions than it raises.
I'm going to leave this post at this, and hopefully post later today with some explanation of the where/what/how of what I'm actually going to do. After that, I'll hopefully post some on what my training in Holland over the last two weeks consisted of, what it was like.

take care-
taj